it still is

it still is ....

It is time for the fire to rage once more...

The flame rages for many reasons...... at times to outshine itself to others.... to prove to others what it can do... but there are times.... the flame rages for others...

About 2 years ago.....the flame died off... it never shine anymore...and shall not shine anymore as no purpose for it to do...

for the past few days.... i again...see the need for it...

i was there a year ago.... making the choice... the choice of what has become now... I m beginning to doubt whether did i make the right choice? what is happening now...was it within my anticipation...?

i was there a couple of months ago.... telling someone.... go for it.. and i shall support you...

i was there a couple weeks ago..asking the very question to others...are you sure you are up for the challenge...do you really want to pursue further...?

All the scenarios and more....has been playing in my mind for the past few days... till now..
now i have decided.... for all these to go through.... for all these to end happily for others
The FIRE SHALL RAGE ONCE MORE... for others ....

i shall hold to my promise..... i shall take responsibility to the decision i help made...
Some may get burned along the way... i might get burned along the way... but perhaps.. this has always been the purpose of my existance..

The weird change that happens?

It is sometime noticeable to yourself if not others that you behave slightly out of the ordinary among different crowd or people. Perhaps it is due to awkwardness, a state where one feels uncertain of what to do next. Happen among people you newly met?

This is not entirely the case here. It still can happen among the same crowd. The same crowd which you always hang out with. This could actually make you a sudden jerk among your friend. Especially when you suddenly try to hard to "get back in". What could have led to such a situation to occur. Even some of the brightest mind could have this problem. He/she could think of a thousand ways to behave in that situation or may have done it a million times. But it is at this moment, that he/she also can behave normally. Many may not notice another's sudden change of behavior as he/she maybe be good at concealing it.

Books may not necessary help much in this. Or perhaps i m not reading much. But i trust the dreams i had. The dreams that gave me idea on many things. It came about, could it be the change of perspective. The way 1 see another in the group. Maybe not the entire group, but certain individual be it positive or negative.

But what triggered it? Something they said or do? In alot of time, it may not be the sole reason. It is the continuous development of relationship between people that may have contributed to this. Getting to know one more could change your perspective of another. What bother me is, people tend to judge by guessing in this process. To know someone, it takes a lifetime and even that may not be true. People changes from time to time.

You may be given the gift to be able to drop quick and accurate judgment of people in mere days of speaking to them. But you too are human, you too may have a change of perspective. You too will fall into the state of "behave slightly out of the ordinary".

How my partner KHStudio1 almost died...

One of my worst fear came.... my best partner so far KHStudio1 ( my laptop) started to crash.. BSOD (Blue Screen of Death) appear almost every now and then... and at times.. i cant even boot my laptop... But everything was in KHStudio1... so i decided to open up "him" ..and took the "Brain" aka harddisk out... and copy everything out...

From tat onwards..... is surgery time...
I attempted to reformat ... my harddisk.... and reinstall a fresh new OS... well... there were several warnings during reformatting.... and installation.. but everything was kinda ok... it was to my relieve..i spend the remaining of my night installing all other critical softwares...

But the next day when i woke up, to my dissappointment.. i cant wake him up again... and weird sounds seems to be coming from it...

2 deduction was made..... either the motherboard is faulty.. or the harddisk.. The choice was easy.... on what to do.... since i cant get a new motherboard....(already too old)... i went and purchase a new harddisk...160gb... tat's double the original.. what to do... no stock for smaller capacity..

Again.. i went into surgery mode.... i took out the "Brain" again. .and replace it with a newer one... With much cautious.. i proceeded with all the installation...
tested it... in operation for 6 hours... then.. reboot 3 times... and continue on with several other installation

Walah!!!... nothing happened... everything seems to be as it is... my partner is back in action..hahaha Too bad guys.. u will see him with me everywhere for abit longer...!

How the sword was formed?

This is a story of mine.... a rather boring one... It's not about any great philosophy or about my current life... but it is my story, my story that made me who i m today...... one which I am worry will fade away one day from..in my busy life.fearing that ,although i believe that we shouldnt be encumbered by the past, we should go off and do something wonderful, i decided to write this article (to those who are actually reading... WARNING ..THIS IS LONG AND LENGTHY...also with lots of spelling and grammar errors ..pls let me know so i can correct it)..

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CHAPTER 1 : THE DISCOVERY OF THE ELEMENT
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It all started of....about 13 years ago...i was about 10 that time. I still remember the scene....when everyday... dad/mom sends me to school and i see these students a year elder then me..proudly wear their blue uniform to school. They were the prefect in my primary school. I envy them alot. My dad, mom...uncle...aunties ..basically everyone describe how great it is to be a prefect. My elder bro ( a year elder then me... was then a prefect as well.. soon after i started to envy that position), made me more keen to take up that responsibility. But then i could only dream.. i didn't know what i must do in oder to be prefect. All i did was .. to try to maintain great grades (since coincidently most of the prefects do very well in their studies).

Thanks to the "shadowing" my bro on me... my teachers actually recommended me to be a prefect. I feel like flying then..knowing i will be a prefect. I know i will have to make sure rules in the school are followed. And so i did that.. for the next 1 year. Some of my frens told me... i m too strict then...hehe. I still remember very clearly who my partner was when i was first became a prefect. She was a malay girl same age as me...(better not mention her name here... privacy issue..later...). We were incharge of the class 1 Maju. It was during my first duty to take care of the class after being a full fledge prefect then, which i first felt great responsibility. Everyone listens to exactly what i say (the 1 maju class students). From that moment.. i think i want to be a leader, but then i have little knowledge of what a leader is all about.

Nearing to the end of the year 5 then, selection process for the next head prefect began. I was so thrilled when i was announced to be one of the 4 candidate short listed by seniors and teachers. However, to my disappointment, i was not selected in the end, not even as a post bearer. (Heard there were some school politics involved then as i was promised a position at least even if i didn't make it to head prefect... but i will never know..). I carried on my prefect life, doing the extra things that most student would be lazy to even bother about. Yes, i missed alot of the fun time in primary school as I was always everywhere helping teachers to carry chairs ( a weird thing that i m actually good at...read on and u will know y) and also on performing my duty.

Moving on to my secondary life, at first i gave up the idea about all these responsibility at the beginning (felt being cheated back in primary), but later under the same influence i felt in primary school. I became a prefect once again. I was appointed the Treasurer of Prefect Board for evening session (form1 and form2). This was a new milestone, as I am more engaged in making decision for board. But then, i m still envy of some people in school ( yes, i envy alot of people). I was envy of the senior prefects, those in upper secondary (particular those in Form 6). They look so "powerful" with their blazer on while they were carrying on their duty. Occasionally a few of them will stay back till evening to check on us and help us out. Those few hours while i was observing them, i learned a lot. They sort of motivate to do my duty better ( well sometimes is abit demoralized when u see your peers around u slacking at their duties despite warnings given to them). So yes, the senior prefects were motivating somehow.

~~~~~~FEEL BORED?~~~~U SHOULDN'T BE READING~~~~THIS IS JUST FOR MY OWN PERSONAL RECORD~~~~~~~~

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CHAPTER 2 : WHEN METAL MEETS FIRE
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Time passes by, and soon I was a Form 4 prefect/student (about to be form5). Transition occurs during August. This was my turning point. The point where i learnt what is called responsibility (something common..but if u ask me..many fail to learn it even after many years in their life). I was bestowed with trust on many position that time. I was appointed Councillor of Prefect ( a position during that time that usually is given only to Form6 prefects), I took the helm of Computer Club being the President, became the Secretary for StJohn Ambulance in my school.. and my others (shit i forgot alot of them, well i remember these caused i made a difference there and these are the place which many things took place).

As the secretary of StJohn Ambulance, i was part of a great team of people. It was just 2 years after StJohn was reestablished officially in our school. The foundation has been laid. Is time to built on it. We started various initiatives to make ourselves more "seen" among the other StJohn Ambulance division. We started to make our own letterhead and mail every division regarding our upcoming events. We acquired recognition of our division strength after a few years by appointment of couple of us to ranked cadet NCOs (I was made Corporal and my president was made sergeant). It was a nice experience to not only learn about first aid but also discipline in uniform bodies. I sometime miss this experience where by i gave command out loud in the field to other cadets to assemble and march. As fun as it maybe, i shall never forget the many after school hours and saturdays i need to spend on participating and organizing stuff since form 2 or 3.( Haha suddenly an interesting event pop up in my mind about stjohn life.. i fell asleep once when i was form3 during marching practice. I was sick and tired then, but i still went for practice after school under the hot sun. I fell asleep as i was standing, cos the commander was talking dont know what, i felt bored and tired...so i took a quick nap while i was in "Sedia" position. hehe.. until my fren at the back.. bang me when everyone started to march.. only then i was awake....hehehe)

Now comes the story about computer club, i like this part of my life a lot too. Cos i know i set a new standard in running the club, a standard which was followed by many years after tat.. (but not sure about now la). Bored with what these guys usually do during computer club meetings, i tot i add some juice into it. I decided is time to have some fun while exploring the technology edge. That time, people were very into Website design. Everyone is talking about it. My teacher advisor asked me to teach people about website since i lead a team of students from my school to develop the school website a year back (ask me if u want to know..lazy to write too much) . So i ran a class on how to develop a simple website for the members. I tried to keep things simple, worrying that people wont understand me if i go too deep.A few weeks passed and soon after that, a thought came "why not treasure hunt?" Just a simple program in VB with clues in it, i made people run all over the school to compete for RM5 cash prize...(participants actually "cursed" me..for where i hid the answers..hahaha). Also that time was the age of ICQ and MSN, alot of people type real fast when they were chatting, but who can type the fastest? I decided to find out, i organized a typing competition, many came to prove how great they are. And people... to my memory, this is the first competition i organized, i did the publicity, i came out with the marking scheme and eventually marked all of it with the assistance of microsoft word. (want to know the details.. again.. ask me..hehe). Wow....feel so proud, as my teacher advisor eventually try to make all these an annual event after that.

Here comes the greatest achievement, where the fire started to rage! I met great leaders in the board, 1 after the other, alot the school captains seem to impress me with their leadership style. I learned leadership from these people.(these people are really remarkable, their leadership skill are so rare, i dont see them much these days). I was very proud to be a member of the council of prefect (u might be able to find some details about it at these website http://www.geocities.com/shsprefect/), a position I eyed on many years. However, my year was a special year, quite a number of us from form5 were selected to be councillors. A total of 4 were selected if i still recall it correctly. But i am still very proud of it, i was Councillor Rabu (the councillor position that was usually given to 1 form5 prefect)( so I think i m the original wan..hahha..syok sendiri). I was incharge of the form3 students discipline and the patrol area for labs and workshop. As a councillor, i had to do weekly review on prefects under my supervision, and well get involve in heated arguments during council meet.( there might be a separate write up on my prefect journey alone..hahaha). Oh ya.. i am incharge of the inventory record for prefect chairs used for event also (..remember i say i have good skill with chairs). There were days when my prefects avoid me and decide to slack and leave the chairs at assembly area.. i am the one who end up carrying all ( total 80++) the chairs back (ok...sometimes there are 1 or 2 people came to help...Oh ya... my highest record of chairs carried in 1 go for a distance of about 70 meters (of many kinds of terrain was 10 chairs). Also during my councillor year, i decided we need to improve on the punishment tracking system that prefect has. I was given the opportunity to put this to work as i suggested it. A serial number based, offence fine receipt was introduced schoolwide allowing minimal misuse of prefect power by irresponsible prefects. Coming to the end of my term, feeling real proud of the experience i had in prefect board, i wrote an article on the school magazine about what happened in prefect board for the past 5 years (It could be the best compiled record of prefect history in the past 5 years for future reference).

The so many things i did, so many that i cant go to details, reminds me what i can accomplish if i really want to do it. I sometime wonder how i was able to cope with my studies then.

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CHAPTER 3 : THE FORGING OF THE SWORD
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The year was 2003, i returned back to my high school for Form6 studies. Being an ex-setapakian, expectation was high. Senior and junior students alike, were expecting a great continuation of legacy. They have seen what a few of my friends and I could accomplish when we were form5. With these, I was entrusted with the school, on the 1st of August 2003, i took the oath to be the 48th School Captain. Along with it, i re termed as the president of computer club, elected as the vice-chairman of StJohn Ambulance in my school, and ventured into the School Magazine Editorial Board taking up the position as graphic designer.

As the school captain, managing the entire prefect board was one of the biggest challenge. With over 70 prefects pledge to serve the school with u and over 1000 students to manage( and of course 100 teachers to satisfy)., it was indeed where the sword was forged. Have you ever had the experience where u need to step forward and take all the blame for your teammates, have you ever gone to sleep everynight thinking what will happen the next day, have you ever needed to stare in the eyes of brutal students and tell them "U R WRONG", all these and many more during my days as the school captain.

My teammates, this topic itself deserves a whole paragraph. I had among the largest council (with 20 councillors) ever formed in the prefect board. These people came from different background, some were close frens and some were new friends who came from other school. All with different experience and different goals in life. And here yet, all of them came together int the council of prefect that manages one of the most challenging school in KL. All was very focused on their studies, 19 have their stpm coming up soon and 1 has his spm awaiting ( you might wonder y 1 is from form5, well i insisted to my predecessor we must keep the tradition to appoint 1 outstanding form5 prefect to be in the council). These people are the people i trusted as they were my hands and legs. They were there when i told them i need them there. If everyone else in the board fail me, i know my councillors will never fail me when a mission is given to them. Have they ever disappointed me, it would be a lie if i told you no. Yes, there were incidents that they disappointed me without any intention. Many of them, at times disagrees with teachers (well u know..sometimes teachers tend to be over demanding) and goes again teachers. To whom do these teachers seek audience when they failed to discuss with my prefects? Me! These were the moments, that required balance between managing my prefects and also "managing" the teachers. Is it worth all the trouble i go through to "protect" my teammates? YES! I can recall many events that, if without them, i wouldn't have made it through. One of such would be teachers day! I still remember my councillors (lets not mention name without their consent) stayed back late after school skipping their tuitions to help me get things done and ready for teachers day. Some were wrapping gifts, some were busy planning games and events for teachers. Why these are extraordinary? well...It is totally out of our heavily packed of schedule. If i may recall, a number of my councillors were presidents and vice presidents of clubs and society in the school. (And yes they even "work for prefect" at night. I get phone calls to discuss critical stuff at night) Really thanks guys for all the help!

Managing the "interesting" school every morning, has thought me about the diverse way of life. It somehow makes me feel great about it, but yet at times it makes me worry. Since my predecessors, there have been an image created, NEVER MESS WITH THE SCHOOL CAPTAIN. Every morning, without miss i would be standing right infront of the assembly area and i would expect absolute silence among the student the moment i step infront. Warning will be given, who ever challenges will need to face consequences as the "legend" goes. My daily routine would be scouting from the back of the assembly making sure my own prefects are there on duty by 715 sharp as assembly starts at 720am. As i walk to the front, i can actually see silence grow from the form 1 and then slowly form2 and goes on. If that fails..they will get a "Shhhhhhhhh" or "SENYAP" from me. At extreme case i will step up to the podium, and use either of this 2 weapons alone on 1000 students. (Yes without microphone.. how loud can tat be?.. enuff to be heard by 1000 students). Even if tat fails, cascading effect will appear, my councillors will start to step into the rows of students picking ignorant students out for disciplinary action. (Rather interesting huh? that is how i begin my everyday morning.... and i have yet to mention the frontgate and backgate cases..perhaps next time in another article). The morning session alone thought me what is known as courage and rightfulness. Also how power is manifested.

Speaking of which, have u seen pure evil? I believe i have (or was it rather more to psychological defect). I have met many bad students in school, those who smoke (yes.. almost everyday i will bring 1 student caught smoking for disciplinary action), play truancy (yes i have chased them before all over and outside of school long time ago), gang students (lots of them), and all sort. But i know 1 thing, they know what is called mutual respect. A simple show of respect while doing your duty, they will show respect back as they know you are just performing your responsibility. There were this scenario when i was downtown going for tuition, a gang of student try to "cari pasal" with me, to my surprise, out of no where, coincidently a gang...of students which many consider as bad students actually stood by my side warning the other smaller gang to back off or face them. The one my new found fren (actually i know him long since in school) told me "We might not be happy with each other in school, but we are definitely friends outside". That time i learn a valuable lesson in life. People simply want mutual respect. They are just playing their destined role in the society. Oh ya... back to the pure evil thingy, yes i met 1 pure evil. For a small offence of not adhering to school uniform guidelines, he was caught and i was "punishing" him( i seldom have to personally punish students which i was doing that day as my 2 assistant school captain was busy briefing to the entire prefect board on up coming task), i decided to let them go off easily but just clearing up the assembly area of rubbish. Everyone did their part, but he declined, he wanted to prove his "greatness". I told him, just pick 1 plastic bag up and i will let him go to his class. He say no! and walk away. When i shouted and stop him. He shouted back. To his mistake of course... 70 prefects standing right beside me. The prefects surrounded him blocking his way. I stared right into his eyes and told him, "U R WRONG" or something like tat telling him y wouldn't he follow the rules? He look straight at me back and said "You better be careful after school". To his insanity, he threaten me right infront of 70 prefects. It immediately escalated to the highest offense in school (Threatening a prefect or teacher) (and well in my case, the school captain.. which made it an immediate big thing). The guy got suspended immediately for 1 week. Does he regret it?.. no! after that he changed school and unfortunate for me i met him after tuition class. He almost gang banged me.. but i was lucky enuff to run away.(Thanks to his gang who think he is crazy....to want to hit me .... coz they too think ..the fault frm the beginning was his.. i ran away when they were talking). He knew no regrets, he fears noting, he thinks he is totally right and he is willing to physically injure another just to prove himself. THAT I CALL THAT PURE EVIL.

That and many more "interesting" happened during my school captain year. (want to know more.. either wait for another article which i feel more and more keen to write about my prefect journey....or u can just ask me)

My life in form 6 is basically blocked by prefect work .. and school magazine editorial board stuffs. This year, we wanted to do something totally different. After discussion with my school Editor and Deputy Editor (one is my assistant school captain and the other is my councillor, both my close fren), we decided to rearrange the content of the magazine and redesign everything by our own. This is something totally out of the norm in school editorial board (at least i think). This cause us in the board to meet up more often that we usual, work till late at night, spend our study break arranging and designing, and even visit our teacher advisor at her house at night. Again team management was everything in the experience. People were lost on what we wanted to do, many sees no urgency to the things that need to be done. I can still remember the turning point when the team finally, went from first gear to fifth gear out of the sudden. It was when my fren started to felt disappointment (at least i think) about the team motivation and commitment. He has been a close supportive fren since long time ago till when then even when i was the school captain. How can i let him down! We called for an urgent meeting, a decisive meeting of everyone in the board. We made it clear (yes.. i was "evil"... i was condemning everyone who wont show support to him and provoke them to shift their gears.. sorry guys..no offence ya....very kan cheong tat time). All in all.... we work late till the very last few days before school end (tat is 3 weeks before stpm first paper) and pull it off. The magazine was out. We set a new standard in our school magazine. Total arrangement by ourselves. Totally design by ourselves. We changed the perception of the students in our school about school magazine. Our successors now designs their own magazine and no longer rely on the designer from the publisher.


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CHAPTER 4: CONCLUSION OF VOLUME 1
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All in all, whoever who made it till this line. I thank you for your interest to read through. I may not have been good in expressing myself, but i deem all that have happened to me in the past made me who i m today. The experience molded how i see thing and how i see people. The challenges made me think more and look for solution then just hoping for solution. I am sorry if i bored you, but this is my story (although i skipped alot of it). If you have yet to experienced pain in life, please go on and give it a try. It is when u really fell, scream for help,climbed back up and pull your frens up again which will make u a better person next day.

I decided to blog once more

After more than a year since i decided not to blog... It has come to the day I see the necessity for me to blog once more.

2 years ago, i blogged simply becoz, everyone is blogging... so i decide to share some thoughts in my mind with the unknown cyberspace...but soon stuff caught up with me..... with very few hours of sleep a day...it was an easy choice... sleep or blog.. i chose SLEEP.

But today.. after much consideration, perhaps is time for me to blog once again..
This time, i blog becoz i believe things inside my mind should be shared out..my views on things shouldnt be just kept to myself.. perhaps it could do some good ...to some others..

The new term for me....